Understanding Domestic Violence: Breaking Myth, Building Awareness

Domestic violence (DV) is a complex and multi-faceted issue affecting countless individuals and families worldwide. Believe it or not, it is happening right now in your neighborhood. Discussing and dispelling myths associated with domestic violence is imperative. We need to create a more empathetic, supportive, and safe environment for those being abused and for survivors.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. It serves as a reminder that domestic violence is an ongoing issue that requires community attention. Let's shed some light on the crucial aspects surrounding this topic.

The Prevalence of Domestic Violence

Many might believe that domestic violence is rare or happens "somewhere else," but the truth is, it's alarmingly common. You may be startled by the numbers. Reports suggest that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of physical violence by an intimate partner at some point. These statistics underscore the magnitude of the problem and highlight the urgent need for preventative and supportive measures but still do not tell the whole truth.

Most cases of domestic violence against women are unreported. The cases that are reported represent only a very small part of the problem when compared with prevalence data. This is known as the “iceberg” of domestic violence. It usually includes the most severe end of violence, homicide of women by their intimate partners, and most of the cases are submerged, allegedly invisible to society.

For men who are victims of domestic violence, they have an increased tendency to keep the abuse a secret. Underreporting in cases of DV for men is very common and is usually because of fear of being ridiculed or embarrassed. Often, men also feel that no one will believe them. Unfortunately, there are situations where the agencies meant to help victims of domestic abuse and violence treat male victims with indifference.

Domestic Violence is More Than Physical Violence

When we hear "domestic violence," physical abuse often comes to mind. But it extends beyond that. It encompasses:

• Emotional Abuse: Demeaning comments, constant criticism, or attempts to control a person's behavior.
• Financial Abuse: Withholding or controlling finances to limit the victim's freedom.
• Psychological Abuse: Threats, intimidation, or any actions making a person fearful.
• Sexual Abuse: Any unwanted sexual activity forced upon an individual.
• Social Media Abuse: Controlling the victim’s social media pages, their "friends", "likes," and even making the victim share passwords.

All these forms can have long-term and devastating effects on survivors.

Stigma, Shame, and Safety: The Silent Strugglers

Apart from the abuse, one of the gravest challenges that survivors face is the stigma, shame, and fear attached to domestic violence. Victims often suffer in silence, fearing judgment or blame, and often have family and friends who do not understand or tell them to give their abuser another chance. The shame alone of how they allowed themselves to be in the circumstance is so overwhelming they stay quiet. They often also have nowhere to go because of a lack of safety. Once the perpetrator makes a threat of harm, those threats become worse if the survivor is seen as trying to leave. This stigma and fear can deter individuals from seeking help, further perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

To help counteract this:

• Awareness Campaigns: Highlight stories of survivors, emphasizing their strength rather than victimhood.
• Societal Mindset Shift: Societies need to evolve from the mindset of "Why didn't they leave?" "Violence is a part of a relationship" "Hang in there, things will cool down once you two work things out." These are all things that are said to encourage domestic violence or help people to turn a blind eye. Society can switch their thinking, with education, to "How can we prevent violence?" "We need to learn about healthy relationships."
• Share Your Story: Opening up about your experiences with trusted friends, family, a support group, or a counselor can help release shame and connect with others.
• Seek Therapy or Join a Support Group: Therapists and support groups understand the complex emotions and the need for safety involved with domestic violence. Therapists and/or support groups can provide judgment-free, safe spaces for healing that are confidential and closed to the public.
• Learn it's Not Your Fault: Abuse is never the victim's fault. Therapists can help the person being abused to overcome people’s victim-blaming attitudes that compound shame.
• Be Kind to Yourself: Refrain from dwelling on what you could have done differently. Focus compassion inward on healing and moving forward.
• Educate Yourself and Others: Learn the facts behind cycles of power and control to reduce stigma. Calmly discuss with friends/family to spread awareness.
• Volunteer or Donate: Engage with domestic violence advocacy organizations to help other survivors while boosting your recovery.
• Know you Deserve Better: Abuse erodes self-worth. But every human being deserves to be safe, happy, and free. You are strong and courageous for leaving.
• Seek legal protections: Restraining orders, shelters, witness protection programs, and other resources can help secure your safety so you can recover without fear.

Men Are Not the Only People Who Abuse

Domestic violence is often stereotyped as male perpetrators harming women and children victims. However, it's essential to recognize that women can be and are abusers too. Also, children can be and are abusers too. Regardless of gender or age, abuse is unacceptable. Creating an environment where all victims, including men, feel safe enough to report abuse and seek help is crucial.

Education Can Aid in the Fight Against Domestic Violence

One of the most potent tools in combating domestic violence is education. The more individuals are informed about the signs, implications, and preventive measures of domestic violence, the better equipped they are to tackle it. Education creates a ripple effect.

• Awareness for Potential Victims: With knowledge, individuals can recognize early signs of abusive relationships and take steps to protect themselves.
• Empowerment for Witnesses: Friends, family, and acquaintances can intervene or offer support when they notice signs of abuse.
• Programs and Workshops: Schools and communities can incorporate educational programs that teach children about healthy relationships and respect.

Resources

• DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Provides a list of resources for victims of domestic violence, including women. Their website has a directory of domestic violence programs in the DC area.
• DC SAFE: Offers crisis intervention services to victims of domestic violence in the DC area. They offer a 24/7 crisis hotline, emergency shelter, and legal advocacy services.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: Supplies confidential support to anyone experiencing domestic violence or seeking resources and information. They have a 24/7 hotline and chat service available.
• Domestic Shelters: Provides a list of domestic violence shelters and programs in the DC area, including emergency shelters and hotlines.
• Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence: Offers information on legal options, advice for friends and families, and a page of local programs for victims and survivors. They also offer a 24/7 hotline.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender, and seeking help is a brave and important step towards safety and healing.

It Takes a Village

Remember, addressing domestic violence isn't the responsibility of affected individuals alone. It's a collective responsibility. By staying informed, compassionate, and proactive, we can make a significant difference.

At Family First Psychotherapy Services (FFPS), couples, families, and youth can find a sanctuary—a safe space dedicated to healing and rebuilding. By understanding domestic violence, breaking down associated myths, and offering unwavering support, we can create a world where individuals live without fear and in harmony.